party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
