The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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