hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
