she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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