Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
