wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
