Whod you bang
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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