oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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