Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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