my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
