I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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