My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
