why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
