So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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