your parents love me but you hate me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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