I think i peed on brittanys purse
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
