Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
