can u get pink eye on your cock?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
