I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
