I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
