Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
