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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
