I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize