I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
