Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
