but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
