Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
