Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
