Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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