Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ladies don't puke and tell
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
