dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
