I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
