That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
