its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
