I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
