I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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