I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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