Just mADE A PArabola og urine
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
