it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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