He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
