Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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