im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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