Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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