She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
