I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
