ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm really busy with my period
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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