She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
