yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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