Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize