I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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