I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize