From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
