How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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