He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
