So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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