Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
