Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
