Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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