Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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