this just has baby written all over it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize