ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
They took my balls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
