How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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