I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
