Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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