sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
