You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize