I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
