why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize