just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
