Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
