oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
