if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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