the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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