There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't turn off my feet"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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