I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
