He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
