Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
