On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
