Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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