I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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