I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
