Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
