The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I touched a dick in church today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
