I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
