"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
