i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm like, not good at living.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
