Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
