party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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