So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
