his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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