I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
