He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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