I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
