i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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