We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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