A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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