My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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